the little house that paranoia built

2012-01-13T16:45:00.000-08:00

had the dumbest internal episode today but it resulted in a free pizza, breadsticks and pepsi courtesy of antonio. i supposed it all started from the general lack of direction i felt this morning. the anxiety of continuously postponing my work and then realizing that i postponed it so late that i was forcing myself to stay in tonight in order to stay 'on schedule'. for what? to stay in bed and watch home movies some more and wish i had more food. eventually i hopped on a bus and headed to campus to turn in my isp and pick up kenny's bike. var and lewis were on the bus and i was feeling so weird that i really wasn't ready to run into anyone. it was a really awkward conversation across the bus and i felt guilty for it ending kind of abruptly but i imagine they probably felt as awkward as i did. i got off almost 5 minutes after i got on so none of this even lasted that long. there's just a lot of residual guilt i have for flaking on them so much sort of. anyways, when i got off the bus i immediately texted var something dumb with an emoticon at the end trying to excuse the awkwardness and blame the environment. i still haven't gotten a response so i feel pretty stupid. i turned in my forms and then tried to find JDs place where kenny's bike was. trying to find the place was awkward because that whole neighborhood doesn't have any sidewalks and even though there are hardly any cars either, the occasional one always seems to drive by with a slow and glaring curiosity that someone would be walking around. after having my clothes bored through by the gaze of several black landscape workers hanging out in the back of a truck park in drive way, i got to a corner where apparently a few new college kids lived. a bunch of them got out of a car and recognized me and i waved pretty frantically wishing they would leave it at that but instead there was this weird lingering expectation that a conversation would ensure. as if they thought i would follow them inside and share a drink and maybe use their bathroom before getting back on the road, but i wasn't in a car i was walking and really i had no idea where to so i had no patience to take a break so soon. in reality that's probably somewhat of an excuse, i wouldn't have join them anyways. it wasn't exactly a group of people i cared for, but it was a surprising group. i hate being surprised that certain people are crossing friend borders in sarasota. i don't care much for the borders themselves but the reminder that people mingle all the time just makes me feel all the worse for not being able to for the last four years.

so of course after that, i find the house im headed to. i get there and am surprised for some reason to see aria even though kenny told me to expect her there. she guides me to the bike in the garage and we make all kinds of dumb small talk about the things in her house and how our winter breaks were. JD came down the hall and acknowledged that I was taking kenny's bike and feeling underpressure i decided to tell them an abridged version of the bizarre little trek it took me to get to their house. by the end of it JD sort of burts out matter of factly and slightly amused, "you all have a big thing for being self aware in spaces. you're all so anxious and don't know how to be in a space."

that comment hit home so hard it left me pretty mentally paralyzed the whole ride back. it didn't help that i was coming home to a roommate who locks himself in a room to do work or make music and leaves immediately after to the house where really lives. and another roommate who is gone for the month but were he in town would probably be at that same house with my other roommate because that's where both their girlfriends are. so i came home and sort of agonized over choosing to be alone because i didn't know how to comfortably do anything else. i hated new college in my head all over again. i grew hungrier and angrier. eventually i just felt totally tactless. nothing i was trying to do satisfied me and i couldn't seem to start doing anything meaningful because somehow it didn't seem worth it. what JD said made me feel so paranoid and I knew it and i tried to overcome it but i couldn't.

i just can't tell if it's new college or if it's me honestly. i think truthfully, i just need to not care. i know that's what i need to do, but i do care. too much. but not even in a way that i actually care about. everything just feels like a hostile environment or a fake interaction. i get bored by people or they make me feel lonely and excluded. i don't really have much of a group here. but that's my fault i guess. when will i actually start doing things differently? when will the awareness of a hyperawareness wear off all together?

im meta-unsatisfied.

2011-11-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

it never really seems like i've made much change in my life until things are entirely different but then a lot sort of seems exactly the same. home alone on a friday night because my roommates both have ladies with whom to cook laugh and fuck. can all the people i think are cool and fun just know instinctively that i like them and invite themselves over my house so we can have awkward times on the regular? i know im supposed to be more ambiguous and indifferent on the internet but lately i feel like theres no purpose to that unless im just trying to play a game.

well, cool stuff in my future for sure yea. maybe even a new set of wheels. six even. since my bike was stolen a few weeks ago outside of goodwill while i bought a halloween costume. i disassembled my bed and moved in the futon from the other room. i feel like i pay 350$/mo to fill a house with cats.

self-conscious idols

2011-09-06T00:44:00.000-07:00

"you idolize people so readily. so intensely."

things are rewriting themselves again. i'd like to say something is taking shape but it seems too soon to say. falling for the dark side is falling by the wayside and im forced to acknowledge that maybe happy is better. anxiety lingers in vein, but maybe the kudzu will find a place alongside it all.

2011-08-05T06:55:00.001-07:00

fighting with people. is it disgusting that i can probably spend an entire day on a computer? sometimes i think these machines are just evolving in ways to keep me seated here. why is it so easy to give in. to anything.

2011-07-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

having a lot weird thoughts about femininity that are disrupting my usual thought processes. i can't escape this very real fact that i have a difficult time understanding or getting along with girls. not sure on which side the struggle falls, mine or theirs. do you think it's as arbitrary and ambiguous to accept or understand masculinity? even people that seem to accept femininity don't really seem to understand it, or doubt it.

wish i knew some big words in czech so could talk to someone about this over beers. amerika in 4 days, it seems.

2011-07-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

2011-07-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

one week away from america. traveling alone is kind of suicidal, but im not on any antidepressants so I guess I get to live. self-medicate with beer and headphones. i dont want to show anyone pictures because im in so many of them, just to have someone recognizable in some of them.

awake

2011-07-14T16:43:00.000-07:00

being in a foreign country where the language is as easy to grasp as your breathe, it's hard to sleep sometimes. i guess im just not used to the time schedule yet but I feel like this trip has hardly started and im already anxious. truly its almost a third of the way over... why is it so easy to keep myself awake at night.

its warm outside, but im colder in here.

2011-06-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

being cooled in the pukey salmon interior of a wastoid cuban cafe that actually connects to the greyhound station. it’s so humid outside the windows all look like theyve been cosmetically frosted. the bus im taking is an 8 hour bus traveling 4hours of distance to miami. i’m all packed and ready to head to prague in two weeks, not sure who im staying with but i can figure it all out when i get there. wish i didn’t always find myself traveling alone but sometimes I prefer it that way. too many vacations wasted on shitty companions.

ill try to share some things while im ambling.

2011-06-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

summer time. headed to prague in 3weeksish. living out of a backpack for a month finally.
music projects coming up. new house moved into. my room resembles a museum. i guess that's what happens when you downsize. today i looked up animal services rules on animal abuse, i know a cruel catlady that needs to get caught. recently learned to play catan knights&cities. Pretty much the greatest thing ever.

oh and was charged $100+ for collect calls to inmates in texas that i never made. Thanks internet. someone is not who they say they are.

joint blog

2011-06-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

http://sharxxxnest.blogspot.com/

2011-06-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

this song. this band. wish i could find affordable copies of their records.

2011-05-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

finally got that tattoo that i've been talking about for almost three years.

2011-05-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

i can't wait to have the time to read and actually listen to all the music i download. it's so close, thoughts of summer haunt my dreams.

faux pas

2011-05-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

broke the trend and ranted for more than two ambiguous sentences. what was i thinking? i do this crazy thing sometimes (most times) where i curse everything.

i dont mean it. zine is in the works, life is good. prague will be great. 2 more weeks and im let loose.

2011-05-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

lately the only emotion i can simplify things to is nausea. finals are upon me & i'm not sure i'll make it. (Kind of like how I didn't make it last semester...barely.) im ready and nervous for summer, the flexibility generality associated with my age is turning into more of a curse. i've no stability. no guaranteed home. no place to settle down, but that's largely new college's fault. it's funny, i don't totally regret coming here... but i wish i had taken a break in between or. or something. the plans for summer consist of prague (finally!) (but alone) and maybe a summer zine of sorts? Hopefully ryan has a place by then so I don't have to be 3 or 4 hours away instead of 1 (or none). Things are working in general though. A lot to be done this summer, and hopefully I'll have the motivation to do so. To be totally honest, I'm afraid of what I may do once school is out. There's projects I've in mind, but in general there will be little schedule or casual social encounters to motivate me. Keeping in touch is my weakest attribute. Maybe my friends will do it for me. ha.

if you're a friend and you still read this defunct thing, you should say something & we'll figure out something to keep us both busy this summer.

2011-04-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

over the past 2 or 3 weeks i've had several people come up to me and ask me: "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I NEVER SEE YOU!" I wish I had a voluntary gag reflex so i could vomit on the spot. You never see me because you never talk to me, now go away. I hate this place. I don't understand what I'm doing here. I've never felt more paranoid than I do in college. Most of the people I do trust (all 2 or 3 of them) are either in a different state or not really the kind of people I can hang around with all the time. In fact, as sweet as they are they get kind of boring in large doses.

i guess this means i'm using this blogwaste again.

the past 8 or 9 months

2011-04-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

2010-12-13T15:33:00.000-08:00

you CAN do things wrong and be a bad person with good intentions.

2010-12-11T10:09:00.001-08:00

it seems like maybe, just maybe things are getting somewhere solid after they've been somewhere gray for a few months. i'm still lazy as fucking ever and Ryan calls me out on it a lot but i find new excuses. Like now, I don't have any microns or a notebook. i should be doing some reading, but as usual i'm unmotivated to do anything but stare at pictures, download new music and arm wrestle the internet.

nothing good can come from owning a laptop.

2010-10-30T13:13:00.001-07:00

2010-10-15T14:59:00.000-07:00

writing in this blog is sometimes like staring at my own wagging finger. i confess of few obsessions, a fear or two and a goal. blog therapy. blogapy.

the internet is a fickle friend with a pocket full of mirrors. im freezing on this patio, but my feet are bound by wi-fi.

2010-09-12T00:15:00.000-07:00

sweet yea only 19k

2010-09-08T08:13:00.001-07:00

it's frightening sometimes to think about how things will change. but what could i do to stop that? it's hard to keep getting close to people and then ruining it.

2010-09-08T06:31:00.001-07:00

i'm going to fail my fall semester. this is bad.

2010-09-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

this year is already the complete contrast of the last two.. what to expectt

2010-09-01T23:15:00.001-07:00

first bike shop day, pretty pleased

2010-08-31T18:05:00.000-07:00

2010-08-31T11:17:00.000-07:00

2010-08-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

yr my <> girl

2010-08-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

2010-08-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

10 more days and i'm out of this time capsule, people here are really clean.

unhatched

2010-07-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

i want to find some formaldehyde-free fixative to preserve it. wonder if ill make it through the airport with the egg in the first place.

2010-07-22T21:36:00.000-07:00

2010-07-12T19:20:00.000-07:00

not feeling a context should still be a context, really though it's not. there's always this lingering feeling i missed out or am missing out. there's not a whole lot i can do with that feeling but pretend it's not there. i'm editing random footage i've taken of places and people here when i'm not at work. coming soon. missing tons of people...missing[out]

2010-07-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

so yeah this internship is important & all, but i´m already losing steam... i don´t have much time to do a lot of my own things during the week which is kind of a bummer. so i spend 9 or more hours at work and then sometimes yog, come home to video chat with david and sleep. then up again at 8. or 6 if we´re driving to Valencia. maybe i´m just being impatient... i think im just feeling kind of isolated. wish i had someone to write letters to, or a bike, or something. first week almost down, four more to go.

2010-07-06T05:21:00.000-07:00

first day o' work in Caracas. so far i'm infinitely amused by the familiar scents and sounds, a few things have changed. the slums have grown and i'm not really allowed to walk on the street alone. i wish i had a bike here, but i guess instead i'll be going to yoga with my aunt. i've also still got to do some research for an unfinished ISP... ha. i sort of do miss new college, finally. i also really want to move into my new house! (with my cats!)

2010-06-26T23:00:00.001-07:00

i hate maybe realizing only now that the reason i've been so unhappy at new college is because i never tried. halfway through undergrad and i've finally learned something.

2010-06-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

2010-06-05T02:39:00.000-07:00

tomorrow i wake up with something to look forward to! Haven't been able to say that for a while.

2010-05-31T11:09:00.000-07:00

gabby is going to help me shop for a DSLR. maybe then i'll be more consistent, since money won't really be stopping me.

2010-05-17T05:53:00.001-07:00

fuhh

i rewrote a letter FOUR times today. studied for french TWICE and watched nightmare on elm st for the FIRST time.

2010-05-09T17:13:00.001-07:00

2010-05-07T01:55:00.000-07:00

sometimes things are awful... in a really bizarre and graceful way.

2010-05-02T20:08:00.001-07:00

feeling somewhat refreshed after this weekend. wandering a little less heavy hearted but still hard at thought. maybe it's the impression that i'm onto something real. only a few things i'm hoping for right now that are in serious doubt, but it's about time to worry about things i can actually influence.

2010-04-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

here's the last one, now i have to choose one of the three to reprint 17 times... ugh. i wish i hadn't fallen off of my bike and fucked up my head and shoulder (ha.) This year is aaaalmost over, but not nearly soon enough. There's a lot I wish I had done differently but it was a good year for figuring some things out. I might go to Venezuela in the summer, after all.

2010-04-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

Prints I've done in class. Doing a bunch more tonight, I'll probably post another one soon. The medication I've been taking has been making me sleepy and nauseated. This afternoon I could've sworn I was experiencing synesthesia and every time my art history professor spoke I felt more and more nauseated. I ended up sleeping off the nausea and made the mistake of taking my medication when I woke up and having to sleep of some more nausea.
Hello all-nighter in the printmaking studio.

2010-04-26T18:44:00.000-07:00

too many changes happening at once!!! the summer opened up, but i'm not sure how i feel about that. i suppose there are many new options. flying out to see my sister in california? work in new york? just travel real cheap? trainhopping? honestly, i don't want to think about it.

2010-04-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

insular life, in an insular city. sometimes i question if i'm really living.
do i really know anyone, do i really let anyone get to know me? if direction is a deeper understand, why do things feel so shallow. sex mixed with interest and hobbies then some drinks and oh i seem to know you.

farms. berlin. farms. berlin.

i've been drinking. i wish i knew.

2010-04-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

i can't keep watching the same reruns.

2010-04-15T17:30:00.001-07:00

sometimes i just want to drown my life out with movies.

2010-04-11T15:17:00.001-07:00

i wonder how long it will take.
these days are awkward and much too long.

2010-04-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

2010-04-07T21:05:00.001-07:00

it's times like these that i wish all my thinks fit into a little blue suitcase. is cleaning your room always supposed to be an accidental act of introspection? I ended up finding all sorts of things... including an old sketchbook from 10th grade. Everything in it just echoed all these fatal flaws I'm still dealing with.. and maybe even always will. i'm not sure what i'm doing, once again. Somehow i always feel like i'm not doing enough and that maybe if i did a little more i'd be happy. but the moment i try, i forget why i even do it. what's the satisfaction of trying when it seems i always make excuses. There's definitely a catch 22 or paradox of some sort in there. i don't think i'm happy and again i think i'm going down a tangent I don't want. maybe that's just the sandwich i ate a little while ago. i want to get rid of everything i own. i hate it all, save for enough things to fit in a backpack.

maybe it's the ready-to-run aspect of the suitcase that appeals to me.

2010-03-23T14:57:00.000-07:00

over the break i'll have hopefully finished 10-15 wax casts of my hands, elbows & shoulders, a 5 ft charcoal self-portrait, a 20 page essay on medieval Berlin, organized the central campus development information board, a 5 artist notebook and a Prague study abroad application along with the necessary scholarships. OH and I've been running errands around Georgia for the last two days and I'll be running more around Miami since my mom's wedding is on saturday. When I get back to school I've got 50 pgs of PDFs, a French quiz and another 10 pg research paper waiting for me.

Today? I spent some time lurking in a dusty little used bookstore in Athens.

2010-03-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

2010-03-11T09:43:00.000-08:00

2010-03-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

david got his laptop back, now he can watch all the british PSA'S he wants.
i stayed up until 4 in the morning helping Arielle sew an organic mattress by hand.
now they're fucking kapok all over my floor. things are better though.

I need to draw.

2010-03-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

maybe this way i can get work done.

2010-02-17T19:53:00.000-08:00

there's so much around me. but i want to bring it all closer.
but there's only so much area to circumvents.

i'd like to see a day where it all fits.

2010-02-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

i bring home leftover food from work. i tell my roommates you can have some, they eat it all. i couldn't even eat all of it, because most of it had meat things in. but they immediately ate everything. It's been three days. how fucking irritating.

2010-02-11T18:10:00.000-08:00

i wouldn't mind finding an abandoned house to squat in.

2010-02-10T09:35:00.001-08:00

2010-02-10T09:16:00.000-08:00

putting things into perspective. maybe it's a good time to get out of here.

2010-02-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

today i redeemed myself and made that sleazy italian man pay me for the 15 hours I worked at his over priced, albeit tasty restaurant. $45, apparently I earned tips that I never received that would've evened it out to minimum wage. what a fucking scam. my mind is on other things now anyways, i'm taking two studio classes this semester: drawing II and metal fabrications. can't deny i'm more than excited, but at the same time i'm so worried. is there ever a way to realize you should quit while you're ahead?

2010-01-20T15:35:00.000-08:00

i've been eating many orange things. being a trapeze artist is more and more appealing these days. i'm planning to move to Berlin. i recently shaved my pits. oh & i finally have a FUCKING job.

Amen.

2010-01-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

i love fireplaces.

for christmas i got a big dose of guilt

2009-12-25T16:23:00.000-08:00

i hope i can fix it. this position is new to me, but i guess that makes sense. funny to think of what it takes to fix things, but how simple it is to fuck up. merry christmas all, i love most of you.

2009-12-24T20:15:00.000-08:00

the empty white room was the best part. a view out into the storybook backyard that i daydreamed about. i'd rather not accept gifts next year.

2009-12-23T06:57:00.000-08:00

i think about the Jungle Haus everytime i wake up.

2009-12-20T14:44:00.001-08:00

spent the majority of today with my dad. i like him better when he's not reacting to the holy proximity of his new family. my sister is great, though. i sort of enjoyed this trip a lot more than i expected. and i haven't really been by myself much at all.

2009-12-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

i'm almost breathing again. making lists again, it feels good. looking forward to having an empty house in miami.

2009-12-09T21:10:00.000-08:00

the panoptiCONNNN

finals week is the week I read about Suicide, cultural effervescence and anomie.
i want to be collecting things and cluttering my room with it. my bike is still unfixed, boo.
next semester next semester next semester next semester next semester next semester

uncanny

2009-12-03T00:35:00.000-08:00

2009-11-30T08:29:00.000-08:00

this blog is dishonest. i think i'll make a new one.

2009-11-28T10:47:00.000-08:00

they sell christmas trees so early.

2009-11-23T14:43:00.001-08:00

need more time to watch italian cinema.

naus- stalgia

2009-11-21T15:48:00.000-08:00

But in Rome, they're building a ride based on the Fellini film "City of Women." Yes, in an effort to shore up tourism in the city, Cinecittà Studios is going to give us Cinecittà World -- 400 acres of themed fun for the whole family, based on the many movies that have shot at the legendary studios over the year.

http://www.ifc.com/blogs/indie-eye/2009/11/fellini-the-ride.php

i dont want to use words anymore. for some reason i can remember feeling 15 like it was yesterday.

2009-11-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

The Argo then reached the island of Crete, guarded by the bronze man, Talos (Talus). Talos had one vein which went from his neck to his ankle, bound shut by a single bronze nail. According to Apollodorus, Talos was slain either when Medea drove him mad with drugs, deceived him that she would make him immortal by removing the nail, or was killed by Poeas's arrow (Apollodorus 1.140). In the Argonautica, Medea hypnotized him from the Argo, driving him mad so that he dislodged the nail, ichor flowed from the wound, and he bled to death (Argonautica 4.1638). After Talos died, the Argo landed.

i got mail

2009-11-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

"EMERGENCY PHYSICIAN STATEMENT-- $740"
&&&&
"SARASOTA MEMORIAL HEALTH CARE SYSTEM-- $1.184.89"

fuck you medical care. I got 8 stitches in the time span of 45 minutes. WHATTHEFUCK

2009-11-13T20:55:00.000-08:00

2009-11-11T13:57:00.000-08:00

someone teach me to get my photos like this. granted, this woman is 30 but HEY i'm an old soul right? At least ms. Fifi says so.

2009-11-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

so this is my boyfriend david...

2009-11-10T07:51:00.001-08:00

david doesn't think i update enough. HYPOCRITE!
anyways, i had a bad ass dream that i forgot 20 minutes after waking up...
gonna spend the rest of the day trying to remember. maybe WWOOFing in January. Hopefully getting a legitimate source of income other than being a campus seamstress. dropping calculus is the best decision i ever made!!!

blahblah im still not really awake.

2009-11-04T13:42:00.001-08:00

hans sebald beham

i want to take printmaking.

2009-11-03T07:22:00.001-08:00

re-entering the phase of the cycle where i want to purge my personality and possessions. want to start working soon. spend more time actively doing things i desire and being mobile again. my now defunct and clearly deadly bicycle is really hindering the likelihood of most of this, for now. i'm also fairly disappointed in how i've been handling my academic affairs as of late. i can't decide if it's simply disinterest or sheer laziness that keeps me. sometimes i wish i had never heard of the word architecture. but what else can i say when confronted with the thought of a successful future? Saying I'll be an architect is the furthest thing from a lie I can manage. The truth would be nothing. I don't want to be anything. I just want the resources college gives me to fiddle with until i've lost any and all dexterity. but how do i communicate that has a career or life path? why do i even have to.

i'm not unhappy, i'm actually very happy. but being this happy makes me want to change everything around me.

2009-10-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

Asheville has kept all my ambition. Still, idle bliss and, inbetween, languid moments are pretty great. Maybe my motivation will revisit me before the cold sets in.

2009-10-13T17:17:00.001-07:00

this week has started of really well and only appears to be improving. neon indian tonight, north carolina tomorrow. making plans and gathering aid to study in prague next fall. reading nausea. band practice. writing. soccer. bike. and darkroom.

2009-10-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

what a weekend to be weighed down by work. the next will be a resolute trek home for as few days as i can manage. staying on a mostly empty campus for fall break will be nice.

2009-09-26T16:14:00.001-07:00

2009-09-22T23:31:00.000-07:00

The term “dive” dates from London in the 19th century, when young men wanted a livelier place in which to spend their afternoons than the gentlemen's clubs frequented by their fathers. They formed informal clubs, where they gathered to smoke and drink coffee.

The Shorter Oxford English Dicitionary indicates that, in the United States in the 1880s, the term referred to an illegal drinking den or other place of ill repute, especially one located in a basement.

2009-09-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

it's funny to think of how we divide our lives into work and pleasure. work being something we do so that we can have pleasure, but we don't consider that work where our own lives begin. as far as we're concerned, our lives exist pleasure to pleasure.

?..?

2009-09-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

i feel like a slob. is it bad to have secrets?
i want to build a trailer for my bike. i want to bring my cats, freaking out, with me everywhere.

always sign your checks

2009-09-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

$78 in debt now, for going $8 over.
most expensive sandwich and pack of cigarettes i've ever had.

2009-09-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

this girl in my social theory class rubs a lock of hair on her lips really frantically and i don't think she realizes how crazy it looks.

2009-09-12T00:36:00.000-07:00

If you go, you should know. Should you lose your way. I'll be staying at home.

how honest

2009-09-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

i guess in some people's minds a half-hearted wave substitutes any real interaction.
maybe it's normal, but with you i care too much.

naps need to work their way back into my life, i'm a zombie without them. and the surprisingly lightness and oscillation i feel between pleased or indifferent is so new for me. my usual dose of cynicism is reserved for dialogue and i've laughed more in the past month than i did all summer. i can't explain it, but i've been feeling more and more affectionate towards my friends. little did i know my shitty goth roommate was the source of all my depression last year, ha. i actually wouldn't be surprised if that were true.

i should write my social theory paper. someone should give me a job soon. i'm looking holocaust-y.

what shape do you take?

2009-09-07T22:17:00.001-07:00

too many niggas, not enough hos.
i wanna turn this place into a museum.

2009-09-02T21:50:00.001-07:00

it's hard to believe that there's anyone else's thoughts i would rather be reading right now.

2009-08-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

my new favorite thing to do is watch planet earth in background while people watching from our big window overlooking the green between Pei and Ham.